by: Oying Cayabyab/Dec.16,2010
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| theLorelei |
When I was a student, there were subjects that I instantly liked and required not much prodding for me to spend long hours to study or do homework. There were subjects too that no matter how intently I tried to absorb in my ever stubborn brain, it just would not do. Whatever permeated and got whole inside my brain just crashed into particles and just left me feeling “duh”. While I looked and observed at how some of my classmates smoothly glided their pens to answer problems in our homework or quizzes, cold sweat trickled down my forehead while my clammy hand held on tightly to my pen. One could feel the tip of the pen and ink repelling the paper like a dreaded disease. Yes I got to answer too but not in a satisfactory result that would garner me medals and recognitions at the end of the school year, unlike the other subjects that were born with me in my mother’s womb. All those formulas, numbers, and those symbols or signs were all allergens to me. They were deterrents in making me punctual in school or earn an outstanding attendance record. They made me grab the end corner of my bed mattress, hesitant to face the day in school during finals and deadline submission of projects. Of course I am exaggerating here just to make my point to the readers.
Now that I am done with all those school matters, I would come across again in my adult life on the very same word that was one of my allergens…Chemistry. Chemistry in school was not really that difficult. In fact it was quite interesting, especially if you made a mistake in combining matters and it clashes and leave a dark soot on your nose and cuts your hair short. Chemistry is unlike the other mathematical subjects that needed me to be a Confucius wannabe, but somehow it is a cousin. This time I am the authority on the subject…ever alive in my mind, body and soul. Not the one that dealt with the formulas and all that stuff that I rarely remember at all even with years of absorption. I am now referring to chemistry, that magical blend of intangible likeness, of mutuality, the spark, the ignition to something astoundingly beautiful and indescribable. If the combined personalities would spark and explode…then you would write on your conclusion that the experiment was a success.
Have you ever been in a room with so many people and got a chance to talk to some of them yet all you talked about were very superficial? It was more of politeness, of duty that you got to end the event with questions and answers, chatters, all those blah blah blahs…you remembered all those conversations on your way home, got to sleep at night, but the very next day all those clarity that night suddenly changed to vagueness??? And you tried to remember the minute details but it just left you with wrinkles on your forehead and you wondered whether you were being stricken with alzheimers at a very young age? Hmmmmm……..
Have you ever been in a room with so many people and got a chance to talk to most of them….but this time you got to single out a particular person or more because the conversation just flowed smoothly and comfortably?
For the sake of argument and a more concise example, I would describe two people conversing. The atmosphere is comfortable, the topics lively. There would be meeting of the minds. The other person is just starting a sentence yet at the back of your mind you already know what he or she is trying to convey. You both need not share the same opinions and yet you learn from each other, not repelling but understanding and somehow both of your opinions embrace compromisingly in your minds. You both could spend the whole day and whole night talking yet it would seem that time is still short. Sounds familiar? Uhuh…somehow you must have experienced that. Even body languages are in sync. You would even laugh at hurtful remarks cast at you because you would also do the same to the other person. Just pure honesty, no pretensions, no mask…everything is laid on the table and nothing under. And due to that lively exchange of thoughts, both of you are oblivious to your surroundings and no matter how many people there are in the room, you both just see each other, and the others are just blurry objects moving around. However loud the chatters and the music playing in the background, you both still hear each other clearly because you are both concentrated with each other. Your interests don’t wane but builds up even more. What’s more interesting to note is that no matter how long you have exchanged thoughts and shared stories of each other, you remember everything even after that. It was as if you both had manuals or handouts or souvenir booklets to bring home. And you both long to talk and see each other again and again and that manual, handout and souvenir booklets gradually become thick books that you could stack in your bookcase….volume after volume.
Chemistry, that magical ignition, that spark that leaves a burning desire aflame, inexplicable and confusing yet also certain at the same time. Even the most boring topics become animated and interesting. Words are dancing and jumping in your minds. It’s like a whirl of excitement and anticipation, never to end…never to die.
When you experience that magical spark, go and live it without a trace of hesitation. Live in that feeling of childlike happiness, like finding someone to play with you at the playground. Laugh, live and float along with the clouds up high. For there is nothing more important at that particular moment but to indulge in an interesting conversation with a very interesting person.
There would be instances that both parties are indulged in an interesting conversation and repartee but somehow something magically binding is lacking. You sometimes yawn silently in intermittent boredom and you find yourself glancing at your watch. In the middle of an even interesting conversation, your mind is in a whirl of thoughts on the tasks you have to do at home, the schedule or appointments the following day that needed you to hit the sack early, etc. etc. etc. You are interested in the conversation but not that fully participative. There is nothing there, this is not what I am writing about. Never to confuse yourself here.
I could go on and on here in description of that word chemistry. As I have mentioned early on, this is indescribable. You will just feel it kick and explode on you and you would not have an idea at all what got you.
An only child alone and wild
